Still smarting

February 18, 2009

Now listen here kiddos, I’m still smarting from the very unceremonious way that our buddy Jamar Rogers was dumped last week. And especially so after listening to some of the appalling excuses for man-singers that paraded their tired, overworked selves across my big-ass teevee – the kind the hangs on the wall with the crystal clear picture. As much as I’d like to give a big ole run down of the whole show, I’ve got to get my ass in gear and head to that place where I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me, so it all works out in the end.

A few minutes before the big show started, my trusty little iPhone rang alerting me to the imminent arrival at my little casa high in the hills above Hollywood of Miss Bosoms Galore. Flaunting her ginormous tata’s on my sofa, was a bit distracting for both myself and the good Farmacist Dr. P. Haze who also rather oddly decided to make another appearance to watch a show that, according to the good Farmacist, isn’t worth watching. Now kiddo’s I don’t know what that is all about…seems fishy to me. But, since I didn’t have to part with any of my hard earned money, I have chosen to ignore the implications that the good Farmacist’s presence made. At one point we were also joined by the always in motion Blab R. Mouth. Now listen here, there was almost a fight that broke out behind the gates of my little casa high in the hills above Hollywood. Miss Bosoms Galore declared she was ready to kick the fake teeth out of Mr. Mouth. The good Farmacist insisted on pulling out money to watch said beat down. Lawd kiddos, it was enough to make a sane person run naked through the streets begging for the law to come and haul them away to the loony bin (or Brittney’s house which is kind of the same thing).

Now, in an effort to save a little time, let’s just say that there were only three performances that stood out. So, we’ll talk about those and perhaps touch on the high-as-a-kite Tatiana Del Toro. I commented at one point that the child was so hopped up on Valium that her two-ton ass had a hard time negotiating that long walk to the circular stage. The good Farmacist said that wasn’t the case as there had been a personal delivery of medication to Miss Del Toro’s dressing room shortly before the show to “calm her nerves.” No wonder the good Farmacist is both loved and reviled. Loved for providing medication to the masses who so desperately need it and reviled for providing medication to that train-wreck of a self-marketer.

Now listen here, I’ve got to make this quick –

We loved us some Alexis Grace – while that child did herself no favors by singing Miss Aretha, she showed that she’s got chops and we’d like to see her march on through. We loved us some Anoop-Dog even though he too had some issues with his chosen ditty. We absolutely adored, and would take our clothes off for, Danny Gokey. Yes, that child has a voice that is simply beyond words. Which is all the more reason why we are smarting today. We caught a glimpse of his boy, our boy, Jamar Rogers in the audience and it brought us straight up to tears. That boy is beautiful beyond words and can sing the clothes right off of us.

Speaking of Mr. Rogers, word has slipped through the gates of our casa high in the hills above Hollywood that perhaps our boy might be in play for one of the wild card slots the judges chatted about. Now, we don’t know sh*t-from-shinola when it comes to the workings that is this cumbersome and over-indulgent show we so faithfully watch. We do know that if the judges have an ounce of matter left in their booze-soaked brains, they will serve him up to us on a silver platter.  And speaking of the judges, Drunk Paula was on full display wasn’t she!  Lawd, had their been more booze in my home last night, none of this bit of writing would have happened.  And did that child ramble on-and-on?  Yes!  Yes she did!

Who is going home tonight? Now, this is not something that will be difficult to pick – for sure going home will be Stevie, Stephen and Casey. We feel relatively certain that they will be joined by Ann Marie, Ricky, Brent and Jackie. Here’s my question…who’s in your top three?

UPDATE – Well, this is not all that surprising! I mean, yes, we totally wanted Anoop Dog in our top 12 because we think he deserves a spot. However, we aren’t totally distressed because we know there are at least 2 wild card seats open (assuming of course that the rumor – and yes, it’s just a damn rumor – of Jamar Roger’s return holds out to be true). And plus, we sort of fancy the roughneck’s dorky kind of ways. Will he win? Oh.Hell.No. But, at least we’ll feel good as long as he’s around! The other results were NOT a shock. The only “shock” was that that Metrosexual of Metrosexuals tried to have us believe that it came down to Danny and Tatiana…as if?! Thankfully she’s take some more of the good Farmacist’s medication and was too stoned to give her typical hysteronics! Welcome to the Top 12 ya’ll!