Yes, you too have heard the words to this jingle probably as often as we here at Idol Chatter have. Everyone from Michael Buble to Wil.I.Am have recorded this little wonderous ode to new beginnings and all that sh*t! And really y’all, we do like this ditty, yes we do! And frankly, we feel the words just might be appropriate given all the news that has been surrounding this fast fading juggernaut called Idol.
Now listen real fast kids because we’ve got a bunch to say and damn near little time to say it in.
Ok, we all know that Drunk Paula ain’t comin back no mo, no mo, no mo, no mo. We’ve cried in our beer and felt like someone pissed in our Wheaties over the loss of this adult imbecile who couldn’t give constructive criticism to her cat let alone some sangers who were tryin their damnedest to hit the “big time” (and can we just say here that the “big time” really ain’t it all cracked up to be…we should know after spending 9 long years in this little microcosm called Holly-weird!). Heck, over a cajun spiced tuna steak salad at the wildly-popular-with-the-stars Katsuya, with that metrosexual of metrosexuals, we threatened to discontinue our watchin and writin about what has been heretofore, our favorite damn show on the tee-vee unless Drunk Paula was given her dues and rightfully brought back to the damn judges table. Apparently though all we are good for is picking up the damn tab…like that big and shiny toothed metro-sexual doesn’t make enough damn money to pic up the tab. Drunk Paula’s gone ya’ll and there ain’t a damn thing gonna be done about it so, suck it up.
Now listen here, just about the time we had done written off this damn karaoke show that drives all the little girls (and boys although only about 10% of them if you get my drift) plumb crazy, along comes news that a new judge was being added to round out the table to four once again. We here at Idol Chatter laughed out loud just a little to think how pissed off that damn Kara person must have been to know that she wouldn’t be the only female judge at the table. We do not like Kara not then, not now, not ever! But we’ve digressed.
Anyhoo, word came rather covertly up to our little walled and gated fortress like casa high in the hills over Hollywood that hip and recently married lezbian, Ellen DeGeneres would be rounding out the judges table. Now listen here kids, we nearly wet ourselves without any damn shame when we heard them words. Lawd, a small majority of Californians may have cheated the good gays and lesbians out of their right to live in some kind of marital bliss but, Miss Ellen and her lady-mate figured out a work-around for that one and now the very [legally] married Miss Ellen will be right there for all the good boys and girls to see giving her opinions that we all know will be a damn lot more coherent and constructive than anything that ever fell out of Drunk Paula’s mouth. Hell, she’ll probably make more sense than Randy and Kara combined. Oh lawd, after this great news, we determined right then and there to watch this show on the regular once again!
And kids, that’s where things have stayed until today when we opened up a copy of some newspaper and saw confirmed what we’ve been hearing from every-damn-body up and down the Sunset Strip. Yup, acerbic mouthed Simon is leavin! Straight up!
Damn that driver of mine…blowin the horn like he was in a hurry! Need to remember who writes out those checks that he hurriedly deposits. Any-hoo, despite all that clattering I really must finish this up.
We MAY have threatened before, but this is not a threat. We WILL watch American Idol this season and it WILL be our last season! So, enjoy hanging out with our loud and foul-mouthed (and more often than not drunk) self for this one last season. After that we’ll be on to bigger and better things!
Bring it on bitches!