Moving the Earth

April 27, 2011

Carole King wrote all sorts of great thoughts, including and especially about the earth moving under our feet. The big dog kinda went in a different direction saying something turning the other cheek. I don’t think he was talking bout Jesus though. Anyway, making the earth move or turning cheeks both bring thoughts about action and that is what tonight is supposedly all about.

Now straight-away it was obvious the Mr. Metrosexual was off his game. Some might attribute that to his little boy toy having been sent home last week, but whatever the reason, Mr. Man needed and asked for energy from an already energetic audience. Down-in-the-dumps Mic-Jockey tried revving things up by introducing that god-dess of music, Ms. Carole King but it wasn’t until pretty boy Babyface was trotted out as this week’s “mentor” that Ry-Ry turned all sunshine and love.

So listen, Carole King is a god! If you haven’t heard something fierce by her, then you’ve been off in some tuneless wasteland. Why the producers thought to bring on Babyface to bolster her street-cred is beyond me, but there he was. Frankly y’all, I got a little scared right from the get-go that all but one or two of these remaining six (winnowed all the way down from 125K per Mouth) would really be up to the challenge. First up…

Jacob Lusk
Oh No, Not My Baby
Wearing my yellow bed sheets and blue plaid bed spread, Miss Lusk propped herself up on a white baby grand pie-an-no and started caterwalling. Oh no indeed…

Lauren Alaina
Where You Lead
I asked last week whether this child was ready for the competition. I’m still asking that question. Certainly this child looked pretty as a Georgia peach and wasn’t it special to see teeny-bop and Disney starlet, Miley Cyrus but I think the back-up sangers kinda were better. I mean, really, wasn’t it all just a little boring and safe? And, WTF was up with the little boy she was pretend-like serenading? Am I getting too wrapped up in this? Perhaps. I’m done!

Haley & Casey
I Feel The Earth Move
So, I guess I forgot to mention straight up and from the get-go that tonight, not only were the contestants doing their thing, but they were also going to be paired up for some duets that would be judged but not voted on. Ummmm, ok. So, anyway, this turns out to be a good combination that we’ve heard before. I like these two and they certainly put on a great off-the-Vegas-strip lounge act with this one. It will not hurt either one of them.

Baby Lockthemdoors aka Scotty-the-Body
You Got A Friend
First thing to ask with Mr. HomoMetro-Sexual’s nick-name was, does somebody have a new contestant crush? Certainly something to think about. But, I’ve gotten myself distracted although given the way Baby Doors holds the mic, I could be excused for being distracted. Anyway, Alfred E Newman is winning, so, there’s no need to say anything else! I’ll be your friend!!!

James Durbin
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow
James and Ryan caught themselves slobbering all over Baby Lockthemdoors and it was really kind of weird and slightly off-putting and frankly had me so confused that I missed the whole intro piece. I did hear the performance and it was sweet. Certainly I liked the child’s haircut so much better than week’s past. Yes, we’ll still be loving him tomorrow.

Lauren & Scotty
Up On The Roof
Why is Ryan always trying to make everything awkwardly sexual? Perhaps it’s because these two are singing about sneaking up on the roof and that only brings up childhood memories of me and roofs and well, it definitely got a little heated up there. Damn you Ryan, I’ve completely lost all concentration. I guess these two little country crooners sang all right, but I just can’t really tell you for sure.

Casey Abrahms
Seriously y’all, the boy just slays it for me! So did that girl blowin that horn!! HAWTNESS! Also pure HAWTNESS was the blonde sax player! Ding-dang-dong y’all! This child ate the freakin stage! NoLA shout out!!

Hailey Reinhart
Well, she looks beautiful! And she sings beautiful! I’m just not sure she sang this song beautifully! I was not particularly crazy about the start of this number or the middle but the wrap up was HAWT!!

Jacob & James
I’m Into Something Good
Well, this is one of the oddest pairings I think I’ve ever seen outside of…wait, oh never-mind…it’s the oddest pairing ever. Cuteness singing to the most beautiful woman in the world. But I wouldn’t say this song was in to anything remotely good. It was just all sorts of wrong. Thankfully Steven kept it real by wondering where the hell they were going with all “that.” I certainly kind of wanted to zone the hell out. LOL.

Ok, my bottom three includes Miss Lusk and Alurin Lauren as for who the third spot goes to, I have no freaking idea. I hate to say it, but could be Hailey but not because she sucked just because James, Casey and Mr. Doors are just that strong. And with that, I’m off to vote grab some ice cream and walk the dog thereby doin my own little bit of earth-moving.