It’s Only Rock’n Roll…

April 6, 2011

Listen y’all, there’s a lot goin on at my little beach hut right about now and I don’t have much time to sit and tap out a whole long bit about this great little crop of sangers who are jockeying for position to be the next…wait for it, wait for it…American Idol (said in my best Ryan Seacrest impersonating Dick Clark on American Bandstand voice). I just don’t…shore nuff wish I did.

In the first place, I left my trusty little portable computing thing down in my car and if you know anything about my little beach hovel, you know that was a freakin hike. Plus, I got in from the gym awfully late and then had to cook dinner not only for myself but for my very glum and long-faced friend who was in some kind of mood thanks to our rather dismal economy here in this bee-you-tee-ful [looking] state. Let me just say that pan fried steaks basted in garlic and tyme butter is freakin awesome, except of course that my house still has the lingering odiferous after-effects.

But enough about my night…tonight was all about the Rock’n Roll Hall of Fame and usually (meaning in years past) that means poor, poor song selection on the part of the frauds attempting to prove to the fly-over state voters that they actually deserve all these accolades and stuff they might get when and if they finally get put up on that big old stage and are named the winner. Boy howdy, if that wasn’t a run-on-sentance then I don’t know what is. It surely must be the whirly-bird that is hovering low over my beach hut attempting to pull some poor soul who has managed to get caught up in a wave or some other form of something that he and/or she shouldn’t be caught up in.

Jacob Lusk
Man In The Mirror
Miss Lusk apparently found some morals and decided that singing about getting it on (the same ditty that was probably playing in the back ground when Miss Lusk was conceived) was a bit too far a field from his moral groundings. Now listen, I don’t have a lick of a problem with Miss Lusk getting a wee bit preachy…just seems a little odd coming from Miss Lusk…not that I’m one to judge of course. Any-hoo, Miss Lusk pulled on her big boi panties and decided that the White Lady, aka the King of Pop his-self was a more appropriate person to do up and do over. Then he said something odd about being in the bottom three and looking at yourself in the mirror and, well, frankly, I got a little lost at that point. Luckily, Miss Lusk opened that big ole mouth and belted out another winner and the wording kerflafle was quickly forgotten. This child is winning!

Haley Reinhart
Piece of My Heart
She has been compared, over and over ad nauseum, to goddess Janice Joplin and tonight she showed us why. Listen, this child came out and belted that little number out like she’d finally found who she was meant to be. On a little scratch bit of paper, while I was trying to swallow the last little bite of butter glazed steak, I wrote…”brought it!” This child is winning!

Casey Abrams
Have You Ever Seen The Rain
My advice for up and coming artists is, stay the hell away from CCR unless you are planning on doing bad karaoke in your neighborhood bar. Seriously, we bow before the brilliance that is CCR! This child Casey apparently has never listened to my advice and plucking his trusty (and sexy) stand up bass proceeded to totally eat the stage! If your name is Casey Abrams you are free to ignore my advice any time! This child is winning!

Lauren Alaina
Natural Woman
Oh dear! How is this child only 17 but looked like she was pushing up 40 tonight? Hummm…and I’m not even going to address that performance! This child was not winning tonight!

James Durbin
Why My Guitar Gently Weeps
I didn’t get it! Maybe I was distracted although that usually happens to me when-ever this child performs. I just can’t say this child was winning tonight! Sorry!

Baby Lockthemdoors
That’s All Right Momma
Well wasn’t this a departure for the boy from Mad Magazine who usually vibrates that voice sending us all into a fit of ecstacy? The whole girls rushing the stage was just weird. I mean, come on…we all know this show has more security than our illustrious President and we also know that nothing is ever NOT planned. I just didn’t get it. Contrived! And totally took away from a winning performance!

Pia Toscano
River Deep Mountain High
No effing ballad tonight? Say what???? Ok, let’s just admit right now that this child has an amazing voice and it doesn’t matter what she sings! She wrecked it!!! This child is winning!!

Stefano Langone
When A Man Loves A Woman
I didn’t get the first part of the arrangement but the child served up this performance with emotion that connected with that amazing vocal gift and left me wanting more! I’d rather hear this child perform this number instead of the original performer Mr. Bolton. I’m sure he was singing it to his momma! 😉 This child is winning!

Paul McDonald
Folsom Prison Blues
This child is quite the performer but I repeat, he is not my cup of unique. My momma always said if you can’t say something nice, well, you know the rest. This child is not winning…for me!

And that’s it! Listen y’all, I need to get my ass to bed! I wish I could predict who is going home, but frankly I can’t. So, instead, I’m do like my dog and knock out!