I’m sitting in the middle of a big ass bed in a little resort right down in the very tippy end of this beautiful state of California with water surrounding me on all sides. If I told you it was for my day job, you’d want to laugh right out loud…but it’s true kids…it really is true! But just for you, I’ve put the work on hold, I’ve powered up the laptop, turned on the big ass, high def flat tee vee screen that adorns this wall and I’m ready as heck to hold forth on this night!!

And lord kids, what a HUGE night this is! We’ve got a heckuva a lot going on don’t we. I mean last week Casey damn near threw up on the stage when our esteemed judges threw out the life line of salvation said, “shut up Master Casey, you are SAVED!!” I mean, this child’s face went white as my buttocks, he staggard around that stage and looked like he was ready to loose his lunch right over old Mr. Teeth himself! But now, we are facing a double elimination. That’s HUGE kids!! For sure it is! Course, I’m glad we getting it out the way this early in the season! No longer will we have to hear that idiotic mic-jockey, master way-too-damn-bright teeth himself, say something stupid about singing “for your life” like he was damn RuPaul or something.

Oh grief, in my excitement regarding the hugeness of this night tonight, I damn near forgot that we are singing the works of Sir Elton John! Listen, this homosexual of all homosexuals is just about the craziest of the cat’s meow you’ve ever come across. But, frankly, I can’t remember if I’ve ever heard him featured on this blasted show…ever. Now, I could be wrong, wrong, wrong and it certainly wouldn’t be the first time. But, whether I’m right or wrong, it’s HUGE all the same!

Now, let’s get to the celebrating of Sir Elton…

Baby Lockthemdoors
Country Comfort
Listen y’all, I had forgotten that this kid is only 17 dang years old. Really?? Gosh I’m old! Hell, his grandma was out in the audience tonight and she can’t be much older than me. Good grief! Ummmm, so, did he sing? Of course he did because we felt that vibrating all over us. Truthfully though, it’s not like any of us will remember what he sang or anything other than, gee-whiz, that voice just slays! What a gifted child! Comfortable indeed!

Naimo Adepapo
I’m Still Standing
This child took one of my favorite songs, flipped it and did NOT f*ck it up…too bad! Listen, I’m from the beach and we like our Reggae, a LOT and this little girl personifies all of that for me!! But we all know that Sir Elton John is not very Reggae and well, Randy said it best, “it kinda came off kinda corny!” This child ain’t goin home cuz she is fabulous, but maybe tonight wasn’t as special as it should have been. Sorry baby!

Paul McDonald
Rocket Man
You know, I’m am just NOT shocked that he’s going to sing Rocket Man. In fact, even before this child wrote it on that blackboard, I just KNEW what he was going to sing. If there is any song that fits this most unique of singers, it is this one. Listen, I’ve said that this child is not my cup of unique, but tonight, tonight, I just loved!! But not that hideous jacket…sorry!

Pia Toscano
Don’t Let The Sun Go Down
Ballad…Ballad…Ballad…NOT BORING! Ummm, say what? Did I just say that? YES I DID!!! J-Lo said it took us to an “other-worldly” place! YUP! Oh god, I must be getting old cuz I did not like this chick, I LOVED this chick! Next week she’ll be singing River Deep, Mountain High? Yes, I said next week cuz she’ll be back!

Stefano Langone
Tiny Dancer
My first thought was “oh sh*t, really?!” I mean, I love, love, love, love this child. More than you’ll know. But, you know, we’re talkin Tiny Dancer and that’s a HUGE song. Fear NOT though, my baby boi just wrecked it!! He connected with me! Kids, I just might break my hard and fast rule and vote. Yes, I just might!

Lauren Alaina
Candle in the Wind
I’d like to be the first to say that this child looked just lovely tonight! She sure did! And she sure got a pretty voice! She sure does! I can’t say she wrecked it, because I can’t, but I can say it was just adorable! It sure was!

James Durbin
Saturday Night’s Alright
I won’t call this a FAIL because it wasn’t. In fact, it was very good…INDEED! Except for the piano catching fire and sh*t! Wait, I’m sorry, are we watching Idol? WTF? I mean, yes, he can hit the notes that are crazy! Props! “Pepsi Moment!” Ok, now that was funny!

Thia Megia
God this girl has voice that far exceeds her 15 or 16 years. I could listen to her sing ALL DAY LONG!!! J-Lo said it was a “beautiful moment” for little Thia!! Randy, said something about pitch and apparently he and I were listening to different performances! Loved!!!

Casey Abrams
Your Song
The big question in my mind is, will the big boy prove the judges decision right? I mean, we’re missing a butt-load of hair…is that all he changed? Listen, these kids are singing Sir Elton’s songs tonight and, you gotta bring it!! And he did!!! Let me just be clear, Casey doesn’t need to prove the judges right or wrong. He’s just that amazing! And, he did supreme justice to Sir Elton. This was a slight departure for this child, softer, silkier and just dang perfect!! It was his song tonight!

Jacob Lusk
Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word
HUGE is Miss Mary J. Blige just happening to be in the background at the studio when you there to rehearse. YUP, that’s HUGE. HUGE is having to recreate a moment after you ate the stage last week. Did he do it? Listen, I can’t say it was AS huge as last week, but, ummm, wow…this child can sing and I’m loving, loving, loving that he is beginning to scale back on that overly-dramatic-FirstAMEChurch-Sunday-morning-solo in whereverville. I mean, I love it but it has its place. Jacob has a HUGE voice and that’s all there is to say!

Haley Reinhart
Bennie and the Jets
I love it when this child rocks it! That voice is a little Janice Joplin and little Amy Grant and when it’s on point, it just wrecks and tonight, she was ON POINT! Randy called it “best performance of the name” and wasn’t he just right! Steven Tyler called it sexy and sure, it would be easy to say that dress, laying all over the piano, all that was designed to evoke thoughts of sexiness but it wasn’t that, it was the voice!! I just might be in agreement with Randy tonight. It was just that good!

Listen, all these kids were good, but we gonna have to send two of them home tomorrow and I’m just not sure I’m ready, willing and able to call it. Are you?

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