Saved

As all three of us who still watch Idol religiously know, last week the judges pulled Big Mike from the miry clay of rejection and set his feet on the solid ground of salvation. And, natch, they did it unanimously. We, all three of us, were much less thrilled with this rather stupid stunt and aren’t sure whether the “big save” was more like salvation or torture. Be that as it may, we’ve gotten over the conviction that was felt by some (resulting in said salvation) and have moved on to this week where two someone’s will pay the price for said salvation. Maybe it’s just me, but do I sound a little like I’ve gotten lost in campmeeting-speak hell?

Tonight salvation is coming in the forms of those two wonderful bad boys; Elvis, who you’ll be thrilled to know I’m [distantly] related to and Adam Lambert, who I’m not. Assuming these kids we sometimes call sangers, can manage to capture the spirit of Elvis as channeled through Adam, we might just be in for a dang good night. So, here goes…

Professor: Ryan said WHAT about Adam’s tongue being more talented?

Crystal
Saved

Professor: I figured it out. Ryan has become so incapable of expressing a single sincere thought that his every utterance, even the simple act of breathing, is an affront to our existence as a people.
JB: You’ve quite perfectly expressed my hatred of him. His voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Andrew
Hound Dog

Professor: Love Connie though.
JB: “how depressed is she that I’m her son?” HA!
Professor: The answer: not at all as she’s obviously rich and on lithium.

Tim
Can’t Help Falling In Love

JB: Yay for lithium! Why is Andrew sucking more each week and Tim sucking a little less?
Professor: I don’t know, but I’m ok with Tim’s tight shirts, so it’s a trend I’m willing too…er…embrace.
Professor: Also, Sue Sylvester should replace Simon next year.
JB: ROTFLMAO
JB: Wait, did you just see Tim’s “friend?” OMFG!!!
JB: “Zero to hero?” WTF is Simon smoking?

Professor: SMOKING H to the T. Simon is a pragmatist.
JB: You are right of course.

Lee
A Little Less Conversation

JB:You know, Lee is SO much like my brother…sounds like him, looks a little like him. Why isn’t my brother on Idol? Crazy!
JB: Is it me or does the crowd seem more energized than usual?
JB: And WTF is Paula Kara wearing?

Professor: Because Glee is there…

Aaron
Blue Suede Shoes

JB: Aaron did a great audition for Glee don’t ya think?
Professor: He looks like Jane Weidlin
JB: HA! Siobhan better NOT f*ck up one o my favs.

Siobhan
Suspicious Minds

Professor: Top of stairs reverse camera audience opening shot! DRINK!
Professor: Loved it! Still hate her!
JB: Right?! I forgot to say DRINK during all that inappropriate swaying when Aaron did whatever it was he did.
JB: I really can’t understand her!

Big Mike
In The Ghetto

JB: Brian Dunkleman should sue Ryan for that snarky comment!
Professor: Agreed! And why’n f*ck does the black contestant just so happen to sing the one Elvis song with “ghetto” in the title?
JB: Oh god…that was funny.
Professor: Was it the way I contracted “why in the” into why’n?
JB: Running out of time? They wouldn’t be if Ryan would learn to STFU!
Professor: Ryan should always shut up more!

Katie
Baby, What You Want Me to Do?

Professor: I think we missed Katie!
JB: We should drink more.
Professor: Also true
JB: She said horny!! Double drink!
Professor: Appropriate hand clapping! Raruty warrants a triple drink!!!! Down it!!

Casey
Lawdy, Miss Clawdy

JB: Ok, that whole baby talk thingy Ryan just did was creepy weird. Oh, and Casey’s much sexier with hair pulled back…woof.
Professor: He’s an Alien Microphone Monkey.
JB: I’ll drink to that. Andrew’s going home.
Professor: And Aaron
JB: yeah.
Professor: And Big Mike
JB: I’d love to see Big Mike go home.
JB: Geezus, what did Ryan take b4 the show?

Professor: I don’t know, but it’s not a depressant.
JB: Agreed.

Them’s our thoughts. Who you think’s goin home?

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