For those of us still watching this bloated, mediocre mess (and yes, there are a few of us still, even though it appears we are beginning to lose out to that other juggernaut DWTS…and for good reason I might add), tonight we were treated to the sounds of that hegemonic duo of Beatles infamy, John Lennon and Sir Paul McCartney. This prolific duo have provided the soundtrack of just about every damn body’s lives for the last umpteen years. Heck, had not that god Lennon (who shares his date of birth with me) been blown to smithereens by some dumbledorf, he’d, much like Sir McCartney, still be providing us with stellar music. Heck y’all, I still have my first edition copy of that masterful album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club that is tattered and dog-eared and scratched the hell up, but still my all time prized possession. These boys were/are masters! Unfortunately, the mediocre group of “contestants” we have this season on Idol were not up to the task. We knew that going in and well, with the exception of maybe two of the performances, our point has been proved. So, starting from the top, let’s chat real quick like about this totally mediocre day’s night.
Long and Winding Road
Geez, was it ever! The Professor called it the “long and whiny road” and I agree! I fully expect to see this little cherub in the bottom three. You know, curse of the firsts meets lackluster performance cannot be overcome by teenage cuteness. As Simon would say, “Sorry!”
Let It Be
Looking lovely in her Pepto-Bismal colored mini, this child did a fair impression of this classic. Really though, all I could think of was “let me pee” and so, without even pausing so I could resume, I got up and left. As the Professor would say, “meh!”
Can’t Buy Me Love
Really y’all, the only thing I could think of was “why are you doing this song out of the literally thousands you have to chose from? WHY?” Because really y’all, this was just not good! As much as I hate to say it, this guy who I want to like SO much, just didn’t cut it. He did however look like he’d be a shoe-in to play the part of Kim Jung il of North Korea in the Broadway Musical “Me So Wonewy!” (thanks Professor!)
Big Mike RUINED one of my favorite songs!!
Is it any wonder that the rest of the contestants (bar one or two) act like they are just time/space killers until the winner is announced? Huh? I mean, get real, we all know Crystal is destined to be shown the door when we get to the number FOUR spot at which point she’ll go on and have a stellar career ala Daughtry and Miss Jennifer Hudson. I mean really, there is NO competition this season…NONE…for this child! Love Momma Sox!!
All My Lovin
Looking like he might taste like “mountain dew and starburst” (again, thanks Professor) and sounding “good for Tim”, this child gave us a heapin pile of “what the eff ever!” Another solid bottom three performance!
Now here was a surprise! A total surprise! This is NOT the number I would have remotely picked for goldilocks! But Simon was [again] right when pronouncing this performance to be “ginormous!” The Professor did point out that Randy said “pitch” and as we all know in this new iteration of the Drunk Paula game, this meant drink. I seem to have done a lot of drinking tonight.
Across the Universe
WTF was that? I do NOT understand this child’s attraction. And geezis, what was she wearing. She looked like “Little Bo Peep meets Whore” and it, much like her performance (and weepy after-chat), didn’t work. I wish like hell we’d see her in the bottom three, but we won’t. She’ll probably end up winning. She’s just retarded! Sarah Palin can suck it!
With his “dude who lost his parade” bagpipe player, Lee turned in a another solid, albeit weird, performance. The worry wort’s confidence is on the rise and that, my friends, is a good thing.
Now listen, perhaps the funniest moment of the night had absolutely nothing to do with the music, but rather a comment made by Momma Sox who said of Andrew and Lee, right out loud, that she was “so glad they can be together and get married and have lots of little Danny Gokey babies.” While Andrew’s wife may not appreciate the comment (and Danny Gokey might not either), that was just funny on so many damn levels!
And so ends another mediocre night on the fading Idol.