Finally, it gets good

The actual show begins!  This is my 2nd favorite Idol night…The final 12 performers is the big stage and whole (or almost whole) songs.  The only thing better is top 6 when they perform twice per show.  I like that because they can screw up and then totally redeem themselves.  Or, more interestingly, kill the first one and then screw it up by bombing on the second.

First things first – I drink wine when I watch this show as it’s the only way to retain my sanity.  Now that we can’t play “Drunk Paula“, we need a new way to play.  So, I have “Yo, check it out”, “Pitchy”, “inappropriate swaying or clapping”, or  “anyone crying” for a toast, and you have to drink your whole drink when Ellen has absolutely nothing positive to say.

Rolling Stones night, so let’s jump right in –

Big Mike – Meh.

/Ryan approaching the Judges’ Table / Scripted exchange with
Simon was STUPID

Didi – Meh.

/Ellen “You made ‘Fire’ a two-syllable word…”  Um, Fire is a two syllable word.

Casey – Reminds me of those Old Navy commercials.  He’s “aight’, he sings, but he absolutely does not perform.  Decidedly wooden.

Lacey – SO BAD.  Can not believe she’s even on the show.

Andrew Garcia – “I thought he was going to be a Custodian”?  Wow.  Go back and check out what Moms wore on National Television.  Red Pant, Leopard Print Shirt and Wig.  Fabulous.  Too bad he was so bad it hurt.  I mean, there’s no way you’re going to one up Mick, but he wasn’t even trying.

/Randy – PITCHY!  Drink!

/Ellen – “What do I know?  It’s your best performance.”  Basically, you know nothing, Ellen, because it wasn’t.

/Kara – In her first salient critique, reminded everyone that the song was about the Vietnam War and was expecting more intensity.

/Simon – What do you want him to do, come on stage with a Tank?  LOVE SIMON.

Katie – She said “Pitch” in her bio.  Drink!  UM.  WTF is she wearing?  The halo light for seriousness doesn’t make good friends with frizzy hair.  The lighting director should’ve stopped that from happening.  She sounds really strained and boring, as though the two were possible to be at the same time, and yet here we are.

*Enough with the studio-planted audience members swaying hands and clapping to every song, even songs where it’s wholly inappropriate.  It’s false and annoying.

/Randy PITCH!  Drink!

/Ellen – PITCHY!  Drink!

/Kara – It was better than last week.

/Simon – “You lost the emotion” – Well said.

Tim Urban – Under my thumb.  I hate his hair.  Oh, and everything else about him.  I mean, not everything, but, wait…yes, everything.  The serious a capella bridge with the Reggae beat was really bad.

/Kara – Twice now has said “I totally get what the guys are saying”.  Stop saying that.   Ellen’s not a guy.  Stop saying that.

/Simon – “It was a crazy decision.”  Well, so was bringing his lame ass back.  Anybody miss Alex Lambert yet?  Cuz at least he could sing.

Siobhan Magnus – Paint in Black.  Drama packed and started by sitting on the stairs.  More inappropriate clapping.  It wasn’t terrible actually.  The screech at the end nearly forced an aneurysm.  She sang ok other than that, but did a great job performing actually.  I was pleasantly un-annoyed.

/Ryan – “You look…stunning.”  Felt like he meant it.  She did look pretty good, so good on Ryan.

Lee Dewyze – Beast of Burden.  Is he crying?   I don’t care, he is the best so far tonight and I would really like to hear some old Bob Seger.  Consistent, not flashy, I think he killed it.

/Kara – “…It’s not as PITCHY!”  Drink!

/Simon – Made Lee cry even more.

Paige Miles – Honky Tonk Woman.  Now this is a song you clap to.  And WOW!  Where did she come from?  Wrecked it.  Sounded great, looked fantastic.  Kinda funny watching her sing the lyrics, which were reversed because she’s a girl, when she got to the line “…he blew my nose and then he blew my mind…” right after her Church story.  Nice unintended juxtaposition, A.I.  I don’t really think that she knows what that lyric means.

Aaron Kelly – Angie.  Again with the stairs.  New hair looks fantastic.  I like this.  More inappropriate arm swaying…Drink!  He sounds really good.  Letter perfect execution vocally, but he needs to move around a little more, but that’s trivial.   He killed it.

/Ryan – “How difficult was it for you to connect with and learn.”  Really stupid question, Ryan, even for you.

Chrystal Bowersox – Her Dad crying wins the bio contest.  D  Janis Joplin, Bonnie Raitt and Melissa Etheridge reinvented.  Fabulous.

/Simon – “…you need to go out there every time and kill it.”

Well said.

Prof.

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One Response to Finally, it gets good

  1. Jonathan says:

    Given the fact that I was totally distracted by drama and couldn’t watch, I’m now quite excited to see the show given your synopsis. YAY!

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