Oh yes it’s ladies night

Listen here, my damn driver left me stranded at the front door of my gym because he was a little too engrossed in something besides a paycheck to give a damn that I was shivering cold on this wintery, blustery Southern California night. It took me so long to make it up to my walled and gated mini-fortress high in the hills above Hollywood that I damn near missed some kind of ghastly make-out session between leading Lez-Bee-Anne “E” and acerbic tongued Simon. I sure hope she rinses that mouth of hers with a good disinfectant otherwise her wifey, Ms. Portia, will be the top guest of Dr. Oz for his va-jay-jay panic show. But listen kids, we aren’t here to talk about scared Britney parts, we’re here to discuss scared sangers who have Hollywood stars in their beady little eyes.

Katie Stevens
Breakaway
My great-grandmother always said if you ain’t got nuthin good to say, then zip it. So, there’s that.

Siobhan Magnus
House of the Rising Sun
I have not liked this gurl and I’m not about to start now even if she did sing about my beloved Big Easy. Thank the gods/godesses for Simon cuz the other buffoons masquerading as judges obviously hit the same crack pipe before listening to this nauseating mess of a performance. And, let me just say right now, Ryan needs to quit auditioning for Simon’s spot next season. Just cuz you got a damn radio show don’t mean you know sh*t-from-shinola Mr. Teeth!

Lacey Brown
The Story
We rather liked this quirky, country-fied performance. Totally best performance this chicklet has put out to-date! WooHoo Simon even liked it. Now would we run right out and spend our hard-earned (by Hollywood standards of course) dollars on her CD? Ummm, no! BUT we thought it was fun. A bit boring, but fun.

Katelyn Epperly
I feel the earth move
Love the hair. Other than that, the earth did not move which is quite shocking given that I live in Southern California.

DiDi Benami
Rhiannon
So much better that last week but does that an Idol make? We think not! No indidi!

Paige Miles
Smile
No smile could make this performance less boooooring.

Crystal Bowersocks
Give Me One Reason
How can you pick just one reason from this Uh-May-Zing performance by the subway singer? Damn y’all, this gurl opens her mouth and makes me think of all sorts of naughty and nasty thoughts about subways and reasons and stuff. I’m with E…sick and tired of saying amazing to describe this little gurl. Lawd!! “Baby there ain’t no more to say!”

Lilly Scott
I Fall to Pieces
She was playing a damn mandolin y’all! She sounded like a cross between Patsy Kline and Jenna Jamison and I’m just not sure that middle-America who are already having a problem with “Degenerate” as a judge, can get behind a porn sanger. But hey, that’s just jaded ole me and what the hell do I know? Nothing dammit! Not a damn thing!

Well, these little gurls got themselves all gussied up and kinda, sorta sang their little ole hearts out but I kinda wonder if it was just another night of karaoke down at The Silver Fox. Ya heard?!

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