Slashin the competition

Now listen here kids, my head is a poundin from tryin to keep up with that lush D.C. Vodkalips who shared with me the secret of being totally sloshed on only two drinks. Take a big ass bottle of vodka and do a five count while pouring – like this – 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi and so on, allowing some extra splash at the end. Top that off with a splash of your favorite soda and prepare to be schnockered! Good lord, that’s worse than Drunk Paula and her plethora of pain killers.

But we aren’t here to talk about drinking. See, the other reason my head is a poundin tonight is because we’ve been treated to a night of heavy metal type rockin and rollin. Well, sort of! And lawd kids, we just knew that two of the damn children would knock this right out of the park. The other two proved our theory that only two would knock it out that same park. See how that works?!

Now tonight there was lots and lots going some of which we’ve alluded to in our earlier posting regarding those damn stairs! We are sorry to hear that one stage manager nearly had her damn leg severed from her body. We trust that she’ll soon be hobbling back around that over-indulgent stage! We really do! It seems the entire stage had issues and perhaps it’s a sign of things to come. It’s truly starting to fall apart. We hate to say it, but we will…this show has come undone!

Now, as part of tonight’s rockin event, we were treated to the musical stylings of Slash, that crazy haired, chain smokin fool we wished to be when we were much younger. We still love that fool, although we’ve long ago gotten over his particular brand of head-bangin music! We were also treated to some form of torture called duets – well, at least the first couple was torture. Lawd-a-mercy kids, that was a train wreck straight from the get-go!

Now y’all know I could go on-and-on, but my head is pounding and my bed is a callin!

Adam
Whole Lotta Love

Performing Led Zepplin is a big order…unless of course you are Adam. We’ve known he’s a rocker. We knew without a doubt that he’d slam this one out the park. Ms. Vodkalips, in her drunk stupor, again wished to be a gay man so as to be able to make a play for all his…wait for it…”hotness!” We just think this child has found his niche!

Allison
Cry Baby

Well, at 17, this child has just shown the world that she will be hard-rockin the stages of the world for a bazillion years to come. We couldn’t be more proud of this child! We also couldn’t be more proud of Adam for sharing his stylist who did up and did over that horrid dead animal that has been sitting atop this child’s head for practically the whole damn season! Tonight, we liked!

Adam & Allison
Slow Ride

We agree with those overly self-important judges who said these two children put this “duet” on their forthcoming albums! Lawd y’all, we don’t even like this style of music, but weren’t we surprised to found ourselves up whoopin and a hollerin!!

Kris
Come Together

While those too damn self-important judges universally panned this performance, we found it quite nice! We found it a soulful bit of rock-n-roll! Had we not given our vote to another, we would have voted for this child! Yes we would have! We will admit that this genre of music is not this child’s forte…but, we were impressed that he gave it the old college try!

Danny
Dream On

Dream on is right! Lawd, this song was divided in to three parts. The first part, slow and boring. The second part brought out the church boy and well, it’s was pretty gravely and good! The third part dominated the other two and was hideous like a really bad horror movie! Now listen, we have loved this child’s voice and have held a special place in our hearts for him because of the close bond he shares with his man friend who we love more than life itself. But we could not be called upon to vote for this child…not after that last note which sent us running to the bathroom to upchuck our lovely dinner!

Kris & Danny
Renegade

I have nothing to say about this! Blech!

Now kids, we are in that part of the season where projecting who will win is like herding cats underwater…hardern’hell ya know! But damn it, that’s never stopped us before! We’re gonna say that our old pal Kris is probably outta here tomorrow night! But we’re also gonna hedge our bet just a little by saying that the margin between he and the next lowest will be razor thin. Then again…what do we know?

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2 Responses to Slashin the competition

  1. Robbie Robb says:

    The “note” that Danny attempted was the worst thing I’ve ever heard this late in the competition. I laughed so hard I cried. Yes, I am mean, but oh well. I guess God was not on his side with that note. Maybe he needs to go to Adam’s hairdresser as well…? I’m hoping Allison wins but it’s anyone’s game at this point.

  2. Jonathan says:

    She got my vote last night x50. 🙂

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