Now listen here kids, somethin’s goin on over there at that bombastic and self-indulgent show called Idol. Little changes have continually been made this season and by gum, they were on full display tonight. Lawd-a-mercy, somebody is in full meltdown over the negative trajectory of this show. Don’t believe me? Well, hit the damn rewind on your TiVo and ask yourself what the hell happened to Drunk Paula tonight. Ask yourself why we went back to starting the judges comments with Randy instead of whomever felt like they should start. Yeah, ask yourself those questions and then it will become way too clear to you that someone has been tinkering with the little things that we’ve come to expect on the show and perhaps the numbers are not working out like the moron in charge thought. And that kids, makes me wonder if this will be the last season we see Kara as a judge. Just sayin!
Now listen, I’d like to spend just a couple of minutes talking about that Drag Queen we affectionately call Drunk Paula. WTF? Listen, I know we here at Idol Chatter like to make serious fun of this child! Hell, we’ve even developed a drinking game to make certain you can get as f*cked up as she is! But lawd kids, last night was the first time in all 8 seasons that I can remember when Paula was lucid, cogent and on-point. And I’ll tell ya, it was so disconcerting I found it hard to watch. No red eyes? No rambling? No head in Simon’s lap? No pointless banter with Simon? No standing touchdowns? No sitting touchdowns? She was a damn robot and frankly it was so off-putting that we have no idea what to make of it. As much as we hate to say it, we miss Drunk Paula!
But, we could go on and on about this mess of a show. We could point out that, despite it’s continued popularity, it is losing viewers like water through a damn strainer. But you kids are loyal damn fans like we are and really, all you want to know is how those damn frauds and one fraudette performed tonight. For once they were all hittin at the top of their game. We’d like to blame it on that, make us want to take our clothes off hotness, Mr. Jamie Foxx, but frankly, we can’t. Because we think these children have plumb decided to step up their game. In fact, we were having a hard time figuring out which damn child we liked best. If we are being honest, and you know we always are, there was one who flitted across our big-ass-tee-vee, the kind that hangs on the wall and projects one of those crystal clear images, that we did not particularly care for and felt he fell far short of what it takes to be our next Idol. Yes kids, we said it…HE!
The Way You Look Tonight
This child just gets better and better! Once a church mouse sneaking up to the stage hoping we wouldn’t really notice him, he’s become some sort of crooner that makes us feel all funny on our insides. Yes kids, we will admit this freely…we loves this child! And if you must know, our vaunted and hard to get vote was given to this child and only this child!
Someone To Watch Over Me
This child we did not expect to come and and croon to us. We expected this little birthday girl to come out and once again rock us out. But da-da-damn! Not this time! Sounding like a edgier Pink, this child came on out and brought it!! We like find ourselves impressed and in love even with her look. Simon can go screw himself!
My Funny Valentine
We did not like this pitchy and not very cleverly sung version of this showtune which has been done up and done over by more members of the Rat Pack that you can shake a stick at! We agreed with Randy that it was just not up to snuff! We’ve voted this child off once before and we are asking all the gods wherever they may or may not exist to help us in sending this child back to where he belongs (a place we are sure exists but which we don’t care to know of or about)!
Come Rain or Shine
Continuing with his revival themed performances, Danny gave a mixed bag tonight. Now listen, we have been a big fan of this child for a very long time. But y’all know as well as we do that this child has been off his game for some weeks running. Tonight, certainly for the first half of this performance, we were quite sure this child was once again off his game. Crazy thing though, it was like about halfway through that a different Danny came out to play and damn, this child closed this little performance out with a freakin bang! We found ourselves feeling like we’d been to our sainted grandmother’s church during one of those “fire-falling” services that would scare the beejeezus out of us as a little ankle-biter watching the little old ladies run around waving hankies!! HALLELUJAH!!! SING IT BROTHER!! WOO-HOO!!!
Frankly kids, there ain’t a damn thing to say about this child that we haven’t already said! He’s over-the-top goodness! We loves him! Ms. Vodkalips rang to say she wished she were a gay man so she could make a play at this hot man. He makes her wet all over and not in the way that Simon used earlier when talking about Kris! And listen here kids, this was a rendition of a song that has been sang more times on the show than Drunk Paula putting her head in Simon’s lap. But never like this!!!
So listen kids, the music of the Rat Pack was brought to us by the Brat Pack and we liked!!! We are in agreement with ourselves that this was the best week so damn far! But someone has to go!