Boogie Fever!

Now listen here kids, one would usually think that Disco night would be one more hot mess up on that over-indulgent stage on that bloated juggernaut of a show called Idol. We’ve seen it happen season after season where our favorites shat all over themselves trying to prove they’ve somehow caught the disco fever! Well lawd y’all, tonight was NOT one of those nights. These frauds clearly know something about disco and they weren’t afraid to lend their debatable talents to prove it.

Now listen here real fast kids, once again I am forced to tap out this little missive via my iPhone as if I was tappin out the damn Morse Code. It’s damn near driving me insane. Not to mention that the good Farmacist, Dr. P. Haze (who obviously wants something) has once again shimmied over the fence, past the guard dogs and was sprawled out on my sofa as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Not only that, but the good Farmacist keeps insisting on hogging the remote control AND trying to give me wet willies. We are NOT amused! Thankfully, we find our spirits lightened by this fine bunch of [mostly] in-tune singers.

Now, y’all will most certainly remember that that acerbic tongued maestro, Mr. Cowell, had given some sort of reprieve that brought out tears of joy for that Matt fellow who frankly sang like a really bad karaoke performer on the good ship lollipop last week. But, save him they did. Which means that tomorrow night’s result show will be quite spectacular as we loose not one but TWO of these damn children. Frankly, we’ve already got our two picked out. Not because they sucked, because, as we’ve already admitted, this is one HOT bunch of children. But because there are two who really and truly can’t seem to step their game up to the level that some other of the children have done.

Now kids, y’all know I could just go on and on, but frankly, we ain’t here to talk about me, we’re here to talk about these kids! Ya ready?

Lil Rounds
I’m Every Woman!

Poor Lil, she shore is every damn woman! And hell, we’ve seen ’em all parade around that stage. Now lawd y’all, we love that she got an ass-et that makes us sit up and take notice. And we love that she’s got a voice as big as all get out! We do not love that she has lost herself! Being good at mimicking stars might get ya a show at a mid-level casino in Vegas or Reno (probably Reno). But y’all, that ain’t sayin much! We love ya Lil, but you’re our first pick to boogie on outta here!

Kris Allen
She Works Hard For The Money

Oh dear gods in the heavens and any where else they may (or may not) reside! This child plum has done something to our cold, dark and snarky heart! We would stand on any street corner at any hour of the day if we thought he might croon about us! This child is workin it and we couldn’t be happier! Lawd, this was, by far, the best performance of the night! Hell, this child has gone from a timid mouse sneakin on stage to a power-house who’s just ready to f*ck some sh*t up! BAM!

Danny Gokey
September

Kids, this child shore does have a purty voice! But lawd, this child is puttin on the weight! And watchin him prance around that stage makes us think of all the homosexual sangers who lead the music at all the big mega-church wannabe’s all across this great land of ours. They just tryin so damn hard! And Ms. Kara’s right, pitch perfect! BUT…that’s the problem kids…we just can’t quite put our finger on what that BUT is that leaves us cold…but it’s for sure there!!

Allison Iraheta
Hot Stuff

Hot stuff is right! This child just knocks our socks off…even when we don’t like the song, arrangement or even the performance. That kids is some damn talent!

Adam Lambert
If I Can’t Have You

We have nothing to say except this – the good Farmacist, Dr. P. Haze, was absolutely certain, without a doubt, that this was the worst performance of the night! We were a little shocked – heck, even the good Farmacist was shocked…but that didn’t change the verdict! We on the other hand loved, loved, loved it!

Matt Giraud
Staying Alive

This child was just so damn excited to be given a second chance at Idol life that he sang some damn song by the Bee Gee’s about livin. And well, he shouldn’t have! See.Ya.Later.Bye! We did not need to hear this and we are in total agreement with ourselves about this decision! This child we did not love and expect to see him sittin at the bus depot with that child Lil clutchin his ticket back to where-ever he came from (we don’t know and don’t care) in his lifeless hand!

Anoop Desai
Dance the Night Away

Really kids, we have no idea if that’s the name of the song! And frankly, we aren’t sure we really liked this arrangement! But we are quite certainly that Anoop-Dog looked fly as f*ck tonight! And, while we expect him to round out our bottom three, we expect to hear the smooth sounds of that lovely child’s voice for at least one more damn week!

So kids, here’s the question – Ya think I got it right in sayin that Lil and Matt got boogie fever? Or, you got someone else in mind?

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