At the movies!

Listen kids, once again I find my mood to be just plain old foul! My trusty little laptop has decided to behave in a manner unbecoming to an object with such a damn high pricetag! As such, I’ve had to attempt to write this little bit of nonsense on my trusty iPhone. It’s been a chore and a challenge and frankly, I’m just a little bit on the pissy side! Deal with it!

Tonight kids we were treated to a movie extravagance with that movie making god Quentin Tarantino as the “director” for tonight’s events. Now I love me some QT – there ain’t a movie better than Pulp Fiction! Period! But really, a maker of bizarre and frightening cult movies doesn’t make a musical director…in most cases! However, because we love, love, love QT, we’re not gonna bitch about his selection as mentor for tonight’s movie theme extravaganza!

We did notice, as the camera panned the damn audience that one of the members of The Boss aka Bruce Springsteen’s band was there, weird bandanna and all! And lawd kids, if that damn Katie Couric wasn’t there in all her tanned glory! Apparently every-damn-body loves American Idol. Without sounding bitter, although I sure am, it makes me angry to know that my tickets were given to some news hack!

But, we aren’t here to talk about who was, and who wasn’t, in the damn audience! We’re here to chat about those damn frauds parading around that stage all proud of themselves because they get to go on tour! Well, aren’t we just thrilled!

Now, several things have just got me riled up! The first is that the good Farmacist, Dr. P. Haze managed to get past the gate to my compound high in the hills about Hollywood and had a lovely dinner waiting for me upon walking through the door. That would have been all fine and dandy had not I apparently made some small, imperceptible and unknowing face gesture that was perceived as “rude” and which nearly brought ruin to my whole damn night! Thankfully the good Farmacist had made a lovely dinner! The other thing that just set me sideways was this damn idea that only two judges were allowed to share their opinions with the children who were attempting to wow us with their vocal prowess! I do NOT like this turn of events! If you can’t fit all the sh*t you need to in a show then get rid of that damn Kara! She’s unnecessary!! We’ve already got dumb-ass Drunk Paula and have no need to add another loopy judge into the mix!

Thankfully my evening wasn’t a total waste! The Professor – that wise beyond words author who periodically pens little notes for this here on-line endeavor was just blowing up my trusty iPhone! Lawd, that child was in rare, rare form and made the evening way entertaining! But, we’re here to chat about songs from movies, not porns and such that we might like to fantasize about…the Professor not withstanding.

Allison Iraheta
I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing

We love this child to pieces!! We are not a particular fan of this song, but really, who cares! We love anything this child sings! Now, unfortunately, and again, we will probably see little miss red-headed-like-bozo-the-clown in our bottom three again. But don’t fear, we have a strong hunch she’ll beat back the curse of the first!

Anoop Desai
Everything I Do

Lawd kids, this child has done come on strong right when we needed him to! I thought this child was plum singin to me! We said last week that if he dropped this ball this week, we’d immediately call for him to be bounced out on that cute little kiester of his! We will not be doing any such thing! As the lez-biun who we frequently run into in our place of buziness has just said, “he’s becoming my favorite!” We agree!!

Adam Lambert
Born To Be Wild

We certainly believe this child was born to be wild! And lawd kids, we would be lying if we didn’t say that he’s just a little bit over the top! And, if we are being honest, and you know we always are, we think Simon was dead on when he said that some would love and some would just not love that performance! We know he wrecked the whole damn thing – we just don’t know if we really liked it! The hair is quite another story!! Loved it! And the outfit! In fact, the Professor has the same damn outfit! I feel the vapors coming on!

Matt Giraud
To Really Love a Woman

We are quite certain this child has never really loved a woman. Had he, he might have emoted a little something other than boring and drab! The Professor did rather lewdly suggest that Matt come over and take his clothes off…as long as he shut his mouth! The consistency issues I spoke of regarding Anoop-Dog last week seems more fitting for this child! Bottom three contender!

Danny Gokey
Endless Love

More like endless song!! Blech! Really, we love this child’s voice, but song choices are killing him! Which makes us not love him so much any more!! Sad!

Kris Allen
I Don’t Know You

There is knowledge and there is carnal knowledge! Frankly, after this performance, both the Professor and I wanted carnal knowledge of this child!

Lil Rounds
The Rose

Poor Lil, I had such high hopes for her! They are dashed! She’s lost herself! Either that or some damn vocal coach is giving her bad advice [our advice – listen child, don’t listen to Paula…she’s too damn f*cked up to be a vocal coach…just sayin!]! We expect to be waving bye-bye to Lil and that amazing ass-et of hers!

Well kids, we’ve done it – we’ve managed to whack this whole thing out on our trusty little iPhone! You kids who are into splitting hairs about grammatical and stylistic bullsh*t need to keep those damn comments to yourself! we don’t wanna hear it! What we would like to hear is thoughts on this damn movie themed week – we just didn’t get it!

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