When was you born?

Now listen here kids, this is not the day to play with me! No it’s not! Already several of you kids have been hammering away at me wanting to know where today’s bit of on-line nonsense is. And I’m just gonna say this once, besides technical difficulties and other such stupidity, I’ve got a pounding headache that is making me just a little bit less than my normal, good-natured, sparkling self. So deal with it!

Now kids, this weekend past has been quite the weekend. For some reason I’m still trying to suss out, it was decided to put on our best cuh-ra-zee outfit, ala LiLo, and shake our groove-thang all over the Thirty Mile Zone. Lawd kids, it’s a wonder ya didn’t see us over on the TMZ because we were out there! Now kids, all good things must come to an end, and so, I decided the best way to close out a weekend filled with too much of all things was to invite the ex, the good Farmacist, Dr. P. Haze, up to my casa high in the hills overlooking Hollywood in hopes that a good meal, the kind my sainted grandmother from the South would fix up when we kids were a clammerin for some vitals, would persuade the good Farmacist to part with some of that medication that sits in some hidden compartment in that ever-present bag. Now lawd kids, we ate ourselves silly and in our hazed states proceeded to comment on those frauds that continue to parade around that indulgent stage over at that juggernaut of a show called Idol.

Now listen, some of those children were quite good! And one of them has been running on sympathy! Let us just say it right now, the wedding singer shtick has gotten old! We just don’t care any more and were glad to hear at least one of the judges flat out gather some balls and say it…”ya suck!”

Now kids, because my head is still swimming from a weekend of over-indulgent debauchery (and at least partially because of the good Farmacist’s “medicinal” cure), I’m just gonna get right down to business and I don’t wanna hear a damn thing from you kids about my brevity. My head won’t handle it!

Danny Gokey
Stand By Me

We have said repeatedly that we love this child! And we thought he was da bomb tonight! And, we agreed with Ms. Vodkalips in the first of our several very inebriated conversations that this was the one to vote for…until of course we heard at least two others sing circles around this child. By the time the show had closed, we really didn’t care to stand by DaGoke, in fact, we struggled to remember what that child had sung. Maybe it’s the curse of the firsts…or maybe he was just boring when compared to some of his previous performances and given the strength of his competition!

Kris Allen
All She Wants To Do Is Dance

We aren’t sure who “she” is, but up in my casa high in the hills above Hollywood, we didn’t want to do a damn thing that resembled dancing. We just didn’t care too much for this child or his performance! We did LOVE that he was wearing, for a second week, the Sunday bracelet, promoting the Invisible Children. We have all of the bracelets and would encourage those of you kids who actually pay attention to what we dribble on about here to lend your support!

Lil Rounds
What’s Love Got To Do With It

I’ll tell ya what love has to do with it…VOTES! And we did NOT love this second rate disaster from this child whose badonkadonk butt puts all sorts of nasty and naughty thoughts a zippin through our damn heads. This child had better pull her sh*t together otherwise she’s gonna be out on that rather prodigious ass-et of hers.

Anoop Desai
True Colors

Now last week we were just not thrilled with this child and believed it to be entirely appropriate for him to be sitting in the bottom three. This week, we just loved this damn child again! Our problem [natch] is the damn consistency! If next week is another bad performance then we will call for his permanent ban!

The Wedding Singer
We Don’t Care

We could give a sh*t less what this child sang or what kind of instrument he paraded out (it was bad!)! We’re just gonna say it and don’t want to hear a damn thing from you kids…this child has been receiving sympathy votes and that ain’t right! This child should be judged on his talent and not on his lack of sight! Oh, and put some damn sunglasses on his face! D.C Vodkalips and I are both in agreement that it is flat out unnerving to watch!

Allison Iraheta
I Can’t Make You Love Me

This would NOT have been our selection for this child to sing, but lawd, once again she has wowed us with her vocal prowess! We already love you child!

Matt Giraud
Part Time Lovers

Lawd kids, anyone that can re-arrange a classic by the master and then sing the hell out of it deserves our vote! We love this child and what he did! Lawd, this child sang us right out our damn clothes AND got our valued and vaunted vote!!!

Adam Lambert
Mad World

This child sits in another stratosphere from the rest of these frauds! I just don’t have anything else to say! He deserved Mr. Simon’s standing O! We gave him one too!

We’ve seen all the damn baby pictures we need to see! We think you’ll agree with that one! Now we’re gonna go out on a very thin limb here and say the wedding singer is toast!!! And you kids who are votin for him because you feel sorry for him…well, you ain’t do him no damn favors!!! So knock it off before we take ya out to the wood shed and, as our sainted grandmother was known to do, tan your bee-hind!

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One Response to When was you born?

  1. Olga Piece says:

    What a facinating blog. I’ve bookmarked it and added your feed to my RSS Reader

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