Now listen here kids, I’ve had it up to here with bad-tempered little children who think the world owes them some sort of favor. Ok, well, maybe not the world, but certainly they think that because they have a little bit of talent, they should just be patted on their little behinds and sent sailing right on through to the next rounds. As if!
All that caterwauling and such that emanated from the down the way from my little casa high in the hills above Hollywood was enough to make me want to slap someone. Thankfully there was no one whose company I was forced to endure as we suffered through bad skin, bad hair and some seriously bad attitudes. Lawd kids, they was some messes for sure!
That’s not to say the night was a total bust. No-sir-ree-bob!! While I haven’t seen the little Castro boy yet, I know he’s lurking out there somewhere and my heart beats up just a little at the thought of that child and his organ! But if I’m being honest, and we know I always am, there is one that has my heart a beatin and a poundin like something that only happens in the scariest of movies. Now kids, I’m gonna name a name which you know is very unusual for me this early in the season. But that tall, dark and handsome thing named Jamar with a voice that melts me like butter is something else. And those tats that are so sexily scrawled across his fingers…lawd ya’ll, I just wanna…well, never-damn-mind what I wanna do. Get your own damn fantasy!!
His little man friend ain’t that bad either…at least in the voice department. Can you imagine those two battling right down to the very finale? Well, that thought did pop into my head as those children did all manner of things with their voices that simply sent my head a spinnin and a whirlin. Along with Rihanna I was a singin “please don’t stop the music!!”
But listen, there was a lot more disaster showin on my big ass teevee – the kind you hang on the wall with the crystal clear picture – than not. Thankfully we got rid of that fraudulent little hussy named “bikini girl.” You know, that child was a diva for no reason and deserved, yes, absolutely deserved the bitchy little slap-down from Kara!
And then there was that child who was unceremoniously put out on his kiester who made the oddest of comments. You know the one! Hell, I pulled out my trust little iPhone and typed in his comment. Look y’all, we’ve had drunk Paula, stoned Paula, head in Simon’s lap Paula, but we’ve never, ever had “evil Paula!” That child, lookin a little possessed himself, actually went there. “I saw evil in her eyes I didn’t know exists!” Sweetie, the reason you didn’t know it “exists” is because it don’t! Trust me, Paula is too “over-the-rainbow” messed up to be evil!
There were some other interesting comments from last night, but I’ma gonna end with one that set it off for me. Lawd, that child with the weird colored reddish, crap brown hair straight up said “I don’t like fake people!” Ah, hell naw she didn’t! Little gurl, if you don’t like fake ass people then you should have stayed in little bitty somewhere else cuz here in Hollywood, we all about fake ass people. We parade our bosoms and banana boats around, live in big ass houses that are filled with big ass furniture and big ass teevees, drive big ass cars with names that most of America has only seen on their little bitty teevees. And children, we don’t own a damn bit of it. We fake as hell! So, here’s my little bit of advice…if you don’t like fake people then stay the [blank] out of Hollywood!