Jacksonville in da house

Listen kids, we are in that part of the season where all the freaks are on full display. Doesn’t matter what city, the delusional come out in full force. They travel from miles and miles and bring their own damn cheering section who fill their minds with all manner of bull-o-knee. You’d think that any fool who has sung in the shower is suddenly ready for their close up. Puh-Leeze! Listen, Mr. (and I use that term oh-so-carefully) Cowell asking if that one hot mess who thought she was the next hot mess we affectionately call Miss Mariah was a “joke” should not have apologized for bringing that child to tears. She deserved it! Lawd, and then to hear her say she had hit her high note better than ever before…I nearly fell off my damn sofa!!

Then there was semi-drunk Paula trying to play a straight boy acting like a gay boy or something by putting her hand over Miss Kara’s mouth and then “kissing” her. She shoulda just slipped her the tongue. And listen, all that lap sitting was just down-right off-putting. I didn’t know whether to get excited or offended. In the end, I just threw up a little in my mouth. And what was with that one broad who brought her little doggie to the audition? Huh? Seriously! There is no call for that! Dogs as accessories make me wanna hurt someone. And there there were the tears. Good gawd, grow a set already little boy. I mean, crying cuz you couldn’t use your gee-tar, like it was a damn security blanket, and then pushing your mom away shows why you and your gee-tar should never have made it to Hollyweird! We’ve got enough freaks here. No need to add another bad-tempered, the world-owes-me, little snot-nosed kid…even if you can sing!

One fool has postulated that the Judges provided more entertainment than those frauds we are calling contestants. Perhaps! Frankly, this thing better pick up steam quick like, otherwise I’m gonna be done before we hit Hollywood week.

Now listen, the little hotness that lives next door to my casa high in the hills above Hollywood has had a little vehicular mix up that has caused all sorts of pain, anguish and suffering (the kind not seen but felt in a court of law none the less) and well, I’m gonna go offer my services in the healing arts. I don’t want to hear any damn thing about it! It’s my duty! And if I end up missing out on tonight’s “same-song-different-city” well, so be it!

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