I’m just sayin’

February 28, 2008

Um Hi –

Normally, a results show is just a cheesy rehash of heavily peppered schmaltz. For the most part, this one was no different. Engineered crying, cloying soliloquies and druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk Paula! It’s actually worth your sanity to skip watching and just check the internet the day after to see who got auf’d (whoops, sorry, crossed the streams…um…how about “Seacrusted”?)

Real quick –

HATE RYAN. Hated him seasons 1-5, loved him season 6, came to my senses in Season 7.

LOVE SIMON

DRUNK PAULA

But that’s not why I’m writing to you today. I’ve written before and I’ll probably say it again *channels Andy Rooney*:

“You ever notice how they sing their song better when they get voted off the island (whoops) than they did in the first damn place?”

I guess it’s because they lose the jitters and figure “Screw it” and go head on nen and sing the hell out it waaaaaay better than their previous effort.

Every once in while, hater or not, Idol puts up big TV moments, and I’m always so incredibly stoked when I see one, and bummed when I see it alone. Tonight I had a two-fold moment like that, unlike any other to date. The second girl voted out (I don’t know/care what their names are until the final 12, I know who David Archuleta is though…) genuinely was pissed and upset that she was done and started crying and said she couldn’t sing. She’s not a good enough Actor to make me believe it wasn’t real, so I bought in and WOW. She started with the help of the girls and then stepped forward and sang “Hopelessly Devoted” like she meant it. As one point during the song, you can ACTUALLY SEE HER THINKING ‘Wow, I can actually sing this song’ close her eyes and really get with her inner-Olivia. She was proud of herself after proclaiming she couldn’t go on, and I’m proud of her, but Drunkie McStraightuperson was so proud she gave her a standing ovation (for those of you who don’t know, every time Paula stands during Idol, you have to toast and take a drink, if she does a sitting touchdown you do the same, and if she does a standing touchdown, you have to down your whole drink). So, I toasted myself. But it made me feel better knowing that with the super-contrived, trashy, cornucrapia that we’re ask to endure **coughcoughthemomentoftruthcoughcough*, it’s nice to see some old-school Mom and Apple Pie wholesomeness, you know?

Of course all of that kumbaya was dashed instantly when they quick panned to Danny Noriega’s flamin’ ass crying, and in the background was Luke Menard MACKING ON LITTLE DAVID ARCHULETA! I re-wound it like, too many times to be wrong. If you have it tivo’d then I strongly suggest you re-watch armed with the power of slo-mo. WOW. They look like they’re at Charlie’s in Phoenix in the back, ankle deep in sawdust at about 12:37am on a Saturday.

Never has something so wholesome had an interjection of something so scandalous since Katie Holmes met Tom Cruise.

I’m just sayin’

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wiggin out?

February 27, 2008

I forgot to mention to you all a bit of creepiness about one of our contestants. It is being reported that the “rocker” (who really doesn’t remind me of a rocker, especially when I found out he use to sing back-up for that train-wreck that is Britney Spears) is actually wearing a wig. Apparently the stylists on AI are incredibly freaked out by the whole thing because (i) it’s a bad wig and (ii) he refuses to take it off so they have to work around it. that bit of news came from today’s tmz (thirty mile zone). i do love me some tmz…

robbie.jpg


Top 10 boys

February 27, 2008

What can i say, they just about ALL sucked…even my dreadlocked little guy wasn’t all that great. There were three performances (geez…just like last week), that stood out…they are…

Chikezie – good outfit, good performance. Such a damned improvement from last week that I don’t know what to say except “good job”. He’s gonna move on i think.

Hot gymnastics guy (Hernandez?) – OK…he’s hot! He admits to wearing leotards. And, he can sing! And he’s hot. Oh wait…did i say that already? who f*cking cares! He’s hot…I think I got wood.

David Archuleta – oh geezus, I suddenly realized just how f’ing old i am when little elfin David gleefully admitted that he met the Season 1 contestants and sang to them…when he was 11. WTF??? And his talking voice…too cute…let’s get real, he’s gay but damn, those little gurls just love him. I do too! Because he can blow!!!! I did wish he would have sang the first verse and I didn’t like his too perfectly crafted answer to Randy for not singing it (I only had time for one verse and verse 3 is my favorite…huh???)…but all was forgiven because damn, the boi can sing!

whose out?

Luke!
big bird (can’t think of his name sang something blue last week)

that’s it!

UPDATE 02/28/08

You’re outta here:

Alaina Whitaker
Alexandréa Lushington
Jason Yeagar
Robbie Carrico


Top 12 boys

February 20, 2008

well, it is my personal opinion that the bottom three of last night are…

the black guy in the orange suit…chickeasy or some other dumb-ass bullshit name. i didn’t watch all his performance, but frankly the part i did see was shitty. plus, and i mean no disrespect here, he’s just not pop material…at least not up to the level of most of the other guys. sorry…just not. as simon would say – “off you go!”

the guy who looks a bit like luke perry from 90210 days – you know, the one who was kind of “sharp” the entire part of his performance. the one that simon said wasn’t memorable. simon’s right…only memorable in that it wasn’t.

my third guy actually sang all right BUT he sang “moon river”…i believe that’s a perry como song. or maybe not. that guy’s got chops and can sing but the song made me think old gay man [calling himself a boi] cruise director. i mean, work the cruise ship angle if you want but it won’t win you this competition. poor song selection.

so…wanna know who i liked?

let’s just say that all the young boys will have no problem making it through because all the little gurls who actually vote won’t let david, danny or the other long (and big) haired blond kid leave the competition. danny, it was noted last night, is just annoyingly arrogant and well, annoying. which makes me think…what’s the deal with stacking the top 12 with so many gay bois. or is my gaydar just off?

who i really liked though was jason with his dreads and geetar. he was simple, and beautiful and smiled like “damn!” and f***, i wanted to go home with him and have him purrrrr in my ear while strumming my geeetar you feel? whooooo. but i digress. point is…i really liked him. thought he was the most “authentic” and “relevant” of the performers last night. didn’t hurt that he was shy as a country boy. too cute!!

them’s my thoughts…u got any u wanna share?

UPDATE – 2/21/08

You’re  outta here:

Amy Davis
Joanne Borgella
Colton Berry
Garrett Haley