Stripped!

Well ya’ll, we lost stripper boi.  Frankly I’m a little bit shocked.  I thought for sure that his stripper past wouldn’t have hurt him.  Granted it was kind of a crappy song choice so it figures.  Guess it’s time to get the dollar bills ready…

Sayesha who?

Whoof…maybe it’s the booze but did elfin David Archuleta forget the words?  Absolutely!  And what in the flying spaghetti monster’s name was Kristy Lee Cook doing…jeebuz my head, feeble as it was due to the alcohol, was bout ready to bounce on outta the room.

Frankly, I blame it on DC Vodkalips.  That lush kept calling up and challenging me to drink more.  And, never one to back down from a challenge, I did…drink more that is.  Thankfully she’s off to vote nine hundred million times for tattoo chick Carly…who was pretty damn good!

Between cocktails, I had a moment of clarity.  Stripper boi won’t be cute in 10 years…unless of course you think looking like the Latino version of Barry Manilow is cute.  Bleck!  Plus, he sucked something other than the tricks and johns over at Dick’s place.  And speaking of Dick’s place…how the hell did a strip joint that we all know exists and that he work for suddenly morph into a pizzeria?  ummmm…ok…

Tonight I liked Jason Castro!  I really like Chikezie!  I also liked Carly and Amanda.  Oh yea, I seriously wanted David Cook to do me (totally the booze talking!)…geebus, that boy can sing…which is just something I would not have considered before last week.

I think Simon must want to boink Brooke because that has to be the only reason he would be so effervesant in his praise of that drab and boring performance tonight.  Although, I will say tonight, she reminded me of one of my heroes…Stevie Nicks anyone?

Several people sucked, but probably not enough to go home – if I wasn’t so brain-addled due to Ms. Vodkalips constant prodding to pour more, larger and stronger cocktails, I would probably be able to write something cohesive (or some damn thing like that).  Brooke sucked!  Michael sucked!  Ramiele bored me to drink!

I’m sure I’m leaving someone out…oh yea…Sayesha…anyone remember her?  Poor thing…I hope she didn’t quit her day job.  Good Buddha…she couldn’t find a note if her life depended on it.  And was her stylist conspiring against her as well because DAMN, she looked like the stylistically challenged live-in of my seriously heart-stopping, good-looking neighbor.  Florida is nice this time of year so her departure won’t sting that much!

With that, my booze fermented brain is off to soak…

UPDATE 3/13/08

You’re outta here…

David Hernandez aka stripper boi

Live Blogging – Top 12 Results Show

Just got off the phone with DC Vodkalips. We’ve settled into a good rythm; pounding cocktails left and right. Good grief, how else are we suppose to deal with that atrocity of a hat that Paula’s wearing. At least she’s not giving Simon a hand job…yet.

Anyway, Ryan’s has announced that he and Lionel talked this afternoon and that he loved David Cook’s performance of Hello. We’re shocked? No! David’s into the top 12. Wait…here’s a shocker…David Archuleta is IN. HOT DAMN! My dread boi made it.

In so far…

David Cook
David Archuleta
Jason Castro

Commercials are over; another cocktail in hand. Of course in my house it’s never quite that simple. My 9 year old has decided to practice soccer and is using the staircase to really pound it out which has freaked his dog the hell out and DAMN! I just spilled my cocktail!

Oh sh*t, DC Vodkalips is calling and wants to chat about what a total mess Kady Malloy is. She’s out…thank dogs-n-cats forever! According the Ms. Vodkalips, Kady’s tits look like an Irish scrubwoman’s. And with that pronouncement, she’s off for another cocktail (me too).

Joining the “in” crowd

Brooke White
Sayesha Mercado

We’re back! Cocktail refreshed! Screamed at the dog and the boy…typical…they’ve ignored me. Thank Buddha Idol loves me still. WooHoo…there really is an Allah…stipper boi’s in! So’s Michael Johns. That leaves three…oh wait, there goes Luke…cool, that means it comes down to Danny and Chikezie. Don’t know who to root for there…I mean, they both from SoCal. Thank God the Jitterbug is over…bleck!

And by the way, Ryan needs to stop tellin people to take a stool. As Ms. Vodkalips pointed out, it rather sounds like he’s suggesting they take a sh*t! Anyway…joining the fellows…

David Hernandez
Michael Johns

Doin the chicks now…Ramiele’s in! So’s Carly. Hot Damn! Amanda’s in. Oh Damn! We’re down to Asia’h and Kristy Lee. Oh great…typical Ryan…callin out a commercial. Off to refill the cocktail…

Ramiele Malubay
Carly Smithson
Amanda Overmyer

Paula’s blathering on about some somethin…what? Oh Lord…she believes in both of them…oh wow…Simon says Asia’h’s goin home…but who’s out…Asia’h is OUT…WOAH!!

Rounding out our top 12 girls

Kristy Lee Cook

I know I’m a little bit Drunk Paula right now, but damn, I’m gonna miss me some Asia’h – weird ass spelling and all. I mean hell, she managed to purrrform right after her dad died…shouldn’t that be worth somethin? I demand a recount! Oh wait…we ain’t in Florida and she ain’t Bush! So hmmmm…I’m onna miss ya girl!

Danny and Chikezie up now.  Danny cryin like a little biatch…no shocker there (just to be fair, I am too…least I ain’t on national TV).  OH MY F’ING GOSH…we sent Danny home?  And kept Chikezie…bleck!!!  I know I bagged on Danny but you know, I got kinda fond of that little flamer.  Big kisses!!  Ya did good.

So there ya have it…our top 12 includes a one namer…

Chikezie

TMTH…I’m outta here!

Top 8 Boys

Last night was hands down the best overall in terms of performance this season. In fact, I think it’s the best top 24 performance, overall, that we’ve had in the history of AI. It was just simply that good. It was also really helpful that, for the most part, the songs performed last night were hot when I was in high school. They were songs I totally LOVED then and still do. So, who did I like? Well, the following three stood out and I tried to vote for each of them. I could NOT because the lines were busy for all three…for like the full two hours.

David Hernandez – And no, not just because he use to be a stripper for a “mostly male” audience. On the contrary, in my opinion that’s just damn helpful. He’s got a great voice, and the visuals of him singing, while performing a strip tease…well, just priceless. I didn’t think his performance last night was as strong as what he did last week, but it was still right up there. Of course, on the news last night was a segment about the developing “scandal”…big woo! So he use to strip. So he tended bar shirtless in a gay club. That’s news? I can think of at least one acquaintance who did pretty much the same, went on to be in the show Survivor and has parlayed that little bit of notoriety into a gig on another show (oh, and he’s just about one of the nicest guys you’ll ever, absolutely ever, meet). Just not a big deal! Of course, some people feel that anything gay should disqualify someone from having their moment in the spotlight. I don’t have words – coherent words – for those folks.

Jason Castro – Ummmm he laid down his guitar this week and damn…gave me goosebumps for miles. I absolutely love the fact that he’s a goof ball. That he couldn’t come up with a most embarrassing moment (I mean get real, a dreadlock broke off while you were on a first date…that’s funny stuff). I love the fact that interviews just throw him. I especially love the fact that all of that totally fades when he gets in front of the mic and opens his mouth. His haunting performance last night was perhaps his best of the season. It doesn’t hurt that he’s a white boy that can pull off dreads like those, and pull em off well. Or that he’s got the cutest, dorkiest smile.

David Cook – OK, seriously this one shocks the hell out of me. I have not been a fan of this guy. I’ve had issues with his hair, with his smile. With just about everything. But I’ve also been listening over the past couple of weeks. And I haven been impressed. And then last night he blew me away and then some. The arrangement of Lionel Richie’s song was first class and his performance was, in my humble opinion, the best of this season and ranked right up there with the top 5 performances from all previous seasons. That song was a big hit for Lionel Richie (who I saw not that long ago at Koi…see Simon, you aren’t the only one that randomly runs into him) and I believe will be a big hit for DC. HUGE!

My predictions for who will go home have been hit and miss this season. Which is typical for this point. I did better last week than the first. This week I truly believe that we will see Luke Menard go home. He just doesn’t have the chops most of the other guys have…plus, I still have visuals of that whole creepy “mac-down” he put on little elfin David A. last week. Just weird.

I am having a problem with who the other guy will be. I think it should be between Danny Noriega, who drives me a little bit bonkers with his “sassyness” – I mean, I get it – and Chickezie. I think this week, Danny needed something with a little more gravitas and well, he just didn’t stand out. Sorry. Even more than Danny is Chickezie…ugh. I just don’t like him. I agree with Simon 100% that he did himself no favors with his song selection this week.

So, if it were up to me, my top 6 guys would be…

David Archuleta
Jason Castro
David Cook
David Hernandez
Michael Johns
Danny Noriega*

By the way, they are listed in alpha order not in the particular order I think they should be ranked (except for Danny Noriega). Little elfin David Archuleta, I think, could quickly grow tiring. He’s almost robotic in his perfection. I’m not particularly sure he’ll be in the top 2 but he’ll certainly be in the top 4.

“mostly male”

Here’s some fun news. Seems like Danny Noriega ain’t the only gay boi on AI this year. Ok, we all know he’s not (I can think of at least 3 guys that have made my gaydar go “ding ding”). You’ll recall that I recently said that David Hernandez was just HOT, HOT and well, hmmmm…. Anyway, apparently he, at 24, has had quite an illustrious career in the Phoenix area. Specifically at a strip club called Dick’s Cabaret where he did full frontal nudity and provided lap dances for the “mostly male” audience. He also was a bartender at the local gay bar BURN. Apparently he only quit his stripper job in September of last year (after being on staff for 3) which, if memory serves correctly, would have been about the same time he auditioned for AI. I hope some of the moralistic bombastic folks don’t get their panties in a wad and try to have him shoved off ala Frenchie. I’m just sayin…

UPDATE Pics from “work” and from David’s myspace profile

UPDATE II (3/6/08) – Seems like David Hernandez’ stripper past isn’t being held against him. TMZ.com is reporting that record exec’s are already busy writing for at least two of the David’s on the show.  And yes, for those of you who are still a little slow from your energetic game of Drunk Paula last night…that includes stripper boi!

Top 10 boys

What can i say, they just about ALL sucked…even my dreadlocked little guy wasn’t all that great. There were three performances (geez…just like last week), that stood out…they are…

Chikezie – good outfit, good performance. Such a damned improvement from last week that I don’t know what to say except “good job”. He’s gonna move on i think.

Hot gymnastics guy (Hernandez?) - OK…he’s hot! He admits to wearing leotards. And, he can sing! And he’s hot. Oh wait…did i say that already? who f*cking cares! He’s hot…I think I got wood.

David Archuleta – oh geezus, I suddenly realized just how f’ing old i am when little elfin David gleefully admitted that he met the Season 1 contestants and sang to them…when he was 11. WTF??? And his talking voice…too cute…let’s get real, he’s gay but damn, those little gurls just love him. I do too! Because he can blow!!!! I did wish he would have sang the first verse and I didn’t like his too perfectly crafted answer to Randy for not singing it (I only had time for one verse and verse 3 is my favorite…huh???)…but all was forgiven because damn, the boi can sing!

whose out?

Luke!
big bird (can’t think of his name sang something blue last week)

that’s it!

UPDATE 02/28/08

You’re outta here:

Alaina Whitaker
Alexandréa Lushington
Jason Yeagar
Robbie Carrico