Whoof…maybe it’s the booze but did elfin David Archuleta forget the words? Absolutely! And what in the flying spaghetti monster’s name was Kristy Lee Cook doing…jeebuz my head, feeble as it was due to the alcohol, was bout ready to bounce on outta the room.
Frankly, I blame it on DC Vodkalips. That lush kept calling up and challenging me to drink more. And, never one to back down from a challenge, I did…drink more that is. Thankfully she’s off to vote nine hundred million times for tattoo chick Carly…who was pretty damn good!
Between cocktails, I had a moment of clarity. Stripper boi won’t be cute in 10 years…unless of course you think looking like the Latino version of Barry Manilow is cute. Bleck! Plus, he sucked something other than the tricks and johns over at Dick’s place. And speaking of Dick’s place…how the hell did a strip joint that we all know exists and that he work for suddenly morph into a pizzeria? ummmm…ok…
Tonight I liked Jason Castro! I really like Chikezie! I also liked Carly and Amanda. Oh yea, I seriously wanted David Cook to do me (totally the booze talking!)…geebus, that boy can sing…which is just something I would not have considered before last week.
I think Simon must want to boink Brooke because that has to be the only reason he would be so effervesant in his praise of that drab and boring performance tonight. Although, I will say tonight, she reminded me of one of my heroes…Stevie Nicks anyone?
Several people sucked, but probably not enough to go home – if I wasn’t so brain-addled due to Ms. Vodkalips constant prodding to pour more, larger and stronger cocktails, I would probably be able to write something cohesive (or some damn thing like that). Brooke sucked! Michael sucked! Ramiele bored me to drink!
I’m sure I’m leaving someone out…oh yea…Sayesha…anyone remember her? Poor thing…I hope she didn’t quit her day job. Good Buddha…she couldn’t find a note if her life depended on it. And was her stylist conspiring against her as well because DAMN, she looked like the stylistically challenged live-in of my seriously heart-stopping, good-looking neighbor. Florida is nice this time of year so her departure won’t sting that much!
With that, my booze fermented brain is off to soak…
UPDATE 3/13/08
You’re outta here…
David Hernandez aka stripper boi
